Where do you start with something like this?
This is from the new craftbeer.com site from the US "Brewers' Association" homebrew club.
We learn in the introduction:
"Rhine Valley Ales: This pair of crisp, everyday session beers attests to the diversity and ancient brewing traditions of Northern Germany. They are fermented warm, then cold-conditioned, instilling qualities of both ales and lagers. Kölsch is the traditional golden ale from Cologne, Germany (Köln). It's a well-balanced beer with delicate, fruity aromas, clean, soft maltiness and subtle hoppinness. Düsseldorfer Altbier translates to, "the old beer from Düsseldorf," and is the oldest beer style still brewed in Germany. Alt is a copper–colored beer with an assertive hop nose and just enough malt to provide balance. It's fermented with ale yeast which contributes a subtle fruitiness."
Of course, Kölsch and Alt are not ales as they have nothing to do with the British ale tradition. It's a bit odd to pay tribute to "the diversity and ancient brewing traditions of Northern Germany" and then refer to them by the name of a different tradition. I'll call Charlie by the name of Sam in future and see how he likes that. Moreover, Kölsch certainly isn't ancient, having been introduced by the Sünner brewery in Kalk in the twentieth century.
But the real howler are the suggested glasses pictured above. Alt in a nonic pint glass? Kölsch in a flute? Kölsch is quite possibly the only kind of beer in the world where the shape of the glass is explicitly defined – it's set out in the Kölsch-Konvention, the agreement between most of the Kölsch brewers — and it's not a flute. It is always, always served in a Kölner Stange, a tall, elegant and fragile 20cl cylindrical glass. Similarly, Alt is served in an Altbier glass, also cylindrical but shorter and wider. Oh, I forgot, they think it's an ale, so it must be fine to drink it from the same glass as English bitter, yeah?
Where do they get this stuff?